I have been in somewhat of "a funk" (that's the best way I can describe it) off and on lately, and this week being the 4th anniversary of Tori's death is probably a large factor. It's not constant, but when I get in that mindset, Satan really tries to run with it and bring me down!! "Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you," (James 4:7) is what Josh and I have discussed several times lately!! After all, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31) Trying to focus my thoughts on HIM instead of my circumstances!!! That can be difficult to do, but IS possible. "With men this is impossible, but all things are possible with God." (Matt. 19:26)
We found out today that we may have to pay a few thousand dollars out of pocket for a new roof for our house in Huntsville, that we currently have a lease to purchase contract on. We are supposed to close on it no later than January 2013, and I can't wait for that day to get here!!! Being free of this house will be such a relief. God knows that. And us having to pay to put a new roof on a house we will never live in again is not news to Him!!! That is comforting, because otherwise I could stay real frustrated! He's got this, I know that. He cares for the sparrows, and so much more than that for ME (Matt. 6:26). Oh, how he loves me!!
We are trying to be good stewards, pay off things, & live within our means...& hope to take the girls to Disneyworld after all that, something Savannah has been begging for since she was 3 years old. Our plan was to take them spring break of 2013, after we used the equity in our house to pay off things, and then be able to do this for them. It is frustrating to have a roadbump get in your way, though. It's even more frustrating when you're trying so hard, and yet feel like you just can't get ahead..."if it's not one thing, it's another," my flesh says. It would be SO very easy to wallow in this, think poor, pitiful me, & be discouraged. However, I know "God is my refuge and strength, a VERY present help in trouble." (Ps. 46:1) I recently read something along these lines...We don't take advantage of all the power we as Christians have through knowing Him!!! We would live transformed, radical lives if we allowed that power to change us and how we view/handle things!!! I am MORE than a conquerer (Rom 8:37) and want to live like one!!!
I did, however, take out my frustration with our electric hedge trimmers this afternoon, and have a feeling that I am going to be really sore because of it tomorrow. I was SO incredibly frustrated, thinking and talking to God, and thinking some more. I just needed to do something productive. I got home and it was a beautiful afternoon, until I just HAD to be outside for a little while. So, yep, I went to town on the hedges on the side of our house! It was quite therapeutic, let me tell you! :) I've always heard people say that gardening has that affect on you. Well, I don't know about that, but I DO know that taking care of business with some heavy duty hedge trimmers on bushes that haven't been trimmed most all winter, was the best de-stresser I've had in a long time! :)
I analyze things a lot (something Josh has learned to love me through-ha!), and so I thought about how God has to sometimes use "electric, heavy duty, hedge trimmers" on my heart & attitude sometimes. I speak before I think sometimes. I act before I think, too. I can be self centered, not considering others (or even God) first. He has to remind me of these things sometimes, and (lovingly) corrects me when I'm stubborn and just can't get it right. My, at the patience He has!! I am so thankful that He is always several steps ahead of me & I don't have to rely on myself to make it through this life; actually He's already walked the whole way, but just stays with me, holding my hand, waiting patiently on me, while picking me up as I stumble and fall. He is truly all knowing and all powerful!
I don't think I will think the same of electric hedge trimmers anymore. :) I know that this obstacle with our house is just another "fire testing faith method!" He recently provided in our car situation, causing us not to have to pay anything out of pocket, and I know He will provide for this (AND all of our other needs), too. Do you have that hope & assurance? I sure hope so. It is life changing!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Not the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...
I was talking with a friend of mine and shared that this time of the year, there is a constant lump in my throat & chest that just remains there for a few weeks leading up to and after my Tori's "Heaven anniversary." This year will be 4 years since that "memorable" day. I just wonder if the lump will ever not return one year, and I won't feel a degree of somberness? I think of and talk about her now, and it's not difficult to do so. I acknowledge and remember her life, and want other people to be able to, too. I have pictures of her around my house, and she is a known, obvious part of our family. That is all healing, but doesn't erase this small time of the year for me. Oh, how I wish it did!!!!!
I have peace and security that because of my faith in Jesus Christ, I will see Victoria Leigh again one day. I will know who she is, and although she won't be my child that I will take care of in Heaven like I would have on earth, I will know she has been there, has not been suffering, and has been free from pain and affliction. She endured physical pain for a few, short months on this earth, but never had to go through all the heartaches and trials my other two will. That is comforting in a way, but as a parent, if you are one, would you ultimately rather have your child here to comfort and love during those difficult times, or would you rather never have had the opportunity? That is the dilemma I am faced with battling at this time of the year especially.
I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that God had a plan through Tori's life. He knew at conception that she would be born at 28 weeks, although I had thought it would be closer to 40. He knew that she would be 1 pound 9 ounces when she was born, although I thought it might be about 7 pounds, closer to her sister's weights. He knew that she would get sick and stay in the hospital for 6 months, although I had hoped to bring her home from the hospital after TWO days of having a full term baby, and be on the way to celebrating her first birthday at six months....NOT picking out a tiny casket, pink, baby roses, a white dress, songs to be sung at her funeral, buying a cemetery plot for her and us beside her, explaining to her 2 year old sister that her baby sister is in Heaven, buying a black dress for her funeral, and then saying goodbye to her and burying her. WOW, you might say...are all those details neccessary?! Why yes, yes, they are. I will NEVER forget (just like the 9/11 victims' families) that time and all we did, went through, experienced, and felt. Her memory will never fade from my mind and heart. As her mother that God allowed to carry her for 7 months, I will never forget her.
You may say, because I've heard it a THOUSAND+ times from SOOOO many people, "I don't know how you did that; I could never do it." Well, I wasn't really prepared for it, let me just tell you. No one asked me was I willing and able to sacrifice my child whom I loved so much, and never having an earthly relationship with her. I didn't mark "ACCEPT" on any application. I woke up one Sunday morning sick as a dog, after not feeling my best for a week or two, and couldn't stop throwing up. I knew I was dehydrated and needed to go to the hospital for fluids. So we dropped Savannah off at church with my parents, and went on to the hospital. They thought the blood pressure machine was broken when it revealed that my blood pressure was off the charts at almost stroke level, and quickly brought in another machine, another nurse, and soon after a doctor. They all at once told me I had preeclampsia, even HELLP syndrome, and would not be leaving the hospital until I had this baby. Umm, I am 27 weeks...I can't have this baby now?! We just found out it is a GIRL a few short weeks ago, and just got done with her room 2 weeks ago! I will never, ever, ever, ever forget as long as I live looking over at Josh who was sitting in a chair beside my bed and thinking this is not happening. Not to us. So, friends, it is at THAT moment that I "had to do it." What other choice did I have?! None, unfortunately.
The weeks and months to follow, were a roller coaster ride of emotions to say the least. We had good, positive days; we had bad, horrible days. We were by her side as much as physically possible, day in and day out. We would talk to her, hold her, sing to her, change her diaper, bathe her, take her temperature, change her clothes and bedding, put pretty bows in her hair, talk to doctors and nurses on her behalf, I pumped breastmilk for 4 months for her....just sooooo much that I never, ever would have imagined. Only in the end, to lose her. To see life slip from her, into eternity, and hold her while she was taking her last breath. Friends, that was NOT done through my own strength. That was endured because of a supernatural strength only from my faith and hope in Jesus Christ. He held me, loved me, and listened to me when it was hard, so hard. He listened to my grief and sadness about it, and He listened to Josh's anger about it. He would share it with you, too, so I'm not sharing anything we wouldn't with you face to face. I was SO incredibly grief stricken, that I remember not wanting to go on some days. Josh was so incredibly angry because he felt helpless as a father and husband, and couldn't do anything to change it all. The pain was SO great, that I understood with everything in me what God felt when He saw them beat His one and only Son, hang Him on a cross, and watched Him breathe His last breath, just as I had. That love for your child is so great, until I cannot comprehend a parent being willing and able to sacrifice their child's life for so many unthankful, unworthy, horrible, wretched sinners....just like ME. If that doesn't make you feel an URGENT need to have Christ in your everyday life, I don't know what will.
I share all this as "therapy" for me, yes, because I enjoy putting my thoughts on "paper." But I also share it to bring honor and glory to my Lord, Jesus Christ. HE brought me from that dark, gloomy time and changed my selfish heart from what it was before Tori; gave me the opportunity to share Christ & heaven in a real, initmate, up close and personal way with my then 2 year old when otherwise I wouldn't have been able to; restored my marriage from failing and what seemed like doom, giving me a best friend & lover in Josh like I'd never had before; gave me another precious, baby girl that has been the light of my life for the past year; and I'm sure those are just the beginning of what He will do through her life. THOSE things make this time of the year more bearable. I'm not going to lie, and say I haven't or don't sit down and cry sometimes and wonder for a split second 'WHY?' I see all I've had with Scarlet over the past 14 months, and think of what all I missed with Tori. I see babies that are born as early as she was, and yet they thrive and grow, beat the odds, and I think she could have done that, too!
It's tough, I can't say it's not. Losing a child is like nothing I've ever experienced. I've lost friendships I cherished; experienced discord within my church family; endured my parent's divorce; almost had a divorce of my own; moved around throughout my life, leaving friends behind; changed & started new schools; given birth (!!!); and other various "trials." Losing my baby girl tops them all. What does James say about trials, though? "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I want all of these things I mentioned, even losing Tori, to produce perseverance, so that I may be mature and complete, lacking NOTHING! You can only understand that being worth it if you have the power of Christ through the Holy Spirit within you. Because why is that important enough to me to endure these trials? Because it goes on to say in verse 12, "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." THAT'S WHY. He suffered and bled so that I may live. He pardoned my sin so that I could go free. What a Savior!!! THAT definitely makes this time of the year a whole lot easier to endure.
I LOVE Christmas, and think of the song, "the most wonderful time of the year" when I think about it. That is why I call this time of the year, "NOT the most wonderful time of the year." But I hope you've seen through all the detail I shared, for this reason alone, that Christ and my relationship with Him makes it bearable through the "NON most wonderful time of the year." I strongly urge you to know Him so that He can make the difficulties of this life bearable for you, too. And not just bearable, but you can be VICTORIOUS...for we are more than just conquerers with Christ (Rom. 8)! And not just KNOW Him, but love, trust, and walk daily with Him. You can't say you're good friends with and expect someone to be there for you at the drop of a hat in the difficult times that you haven't talked to in 20 years, so how you can expect Christ to be there and help you out when you haven't talked with Him daily for awhile, or much less don't even know Him? No judging, only acceptance, so email me if you want loving guidance on how to have this in your life. You don't have to clean up or be good enough before coming to Him. He wants you just the way you are. It would take away from His glory if you had to straighten up before knowing Him. He can and will take care of you on the inside all on His own! :) By the way, nothing would honor Tori's life more than someone coming to Christ because of it. It would also make this momma happy and add another praise to my book! :) If you do know and have a daily relationship with Him, love Him, thank Him for your husband, children, and many blessings....then go kiss and hug them all real tight!!!!!! :)
I have peace and security that because of my faith in Jesus Christ, I will see Victoria Leigh again one day. I will know who she is, and although she won't be my child that I will take care of in Heaven like I would have on earth, I will know she has been there, has not been suffering, and has been free from pain and affliction. She endured physical pain for a few, short months on this earth, but never had to go through all the heartaches and trials my other two will. That is comforting in a way, but as a parent, if you are one, would you ultimately rather have your child here to comfort and love during those difficult times, or would you rather never have had the opportunity? That is the dilemma I am faced with battling at this time of the year especially.
I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that God had a plan through Tori's life. He knew at conception that she would be born at 28 weeks, although I had thought it would be closer to 40. He knew that she would be 1 pound 9 ounces when she was born, although I thought it might be about 7 pounds, closer to her sister's weights. He knew that she would get sick and stay in the hospital for 6 months, although I had hoped to bring her home from the hospital after TWO days of having a full term baby, and be on the way to celebrating her first birthday at six months....NOT picking out a tiny casket, pink, baby roses, a white dress, songs to be sung at her funeral, buying a cemetery plot for her and us beside her, explaining to her 2 year old sister that her baby sister is in Heaven, buying a black dress for her funeral, and then saying goodbye to her and burying her. WOW, you might say...are all those details neccessary?! Why yes, yes, they are. I will NEVER forget (just like the 9/11 victims' families) that time and all we did, went through, experienced, and felt. Her memory will never fade from my mind and heart. As her mother that God allowed to carry her for 7 months, I will never forget her.
You may say, because I've heard it a THOUSAND+ times from SOOOO many people, "I don't know how you did that; I could never do it." Well, I wasn't really prepared for it, let me just tell you. No one asked me was I willing and able to sacrifice my child whom I loved so much, and never having an earthly relationship with her. I didn't mark "ACCEPT" on any application. I woke up one Sunday morning sick as a dog, after not feeling my best for a week or two, and couldn't stop throwing up. I knew I was dehydrated and needed to go to the hospital for fluids. So we dropped Savannah off at church with my parents, and went on to the hospital. They thought the blood pressure machine was broken when it revealed that my blood pressure was off the charts at almost stroke level, and quickly brought in another machine, another nurse, and soon after a doctor. They all at once told me I had preeclampsia, even HELLP syndrome, and would not be leaving the hospital until I had this baby. Umm, I am 27 weeks...I can't have this baby now?! We just found out it is a GIRL a few short weeks ago, and just got done with her room 2 weeks ago! I will never, ever, ever, ever forget as long as I live looking over at Josh who was sitting in a chair beside my bed and thinking this is not happening. Not to us. So, friends, it is at THAT moment that I "had to do it." What other choice did I have?! None, unfortunately.
The weeks and months to follow, were a roller coaster ride of emotions to say the least. We had good, positive days; we had bad, horrible days. We were by her side as much as physically possible, day in and day out. We would talk to her, hold her, sing to her, change her diaper, bathe her, take her temperature, change her clothes and bedding, put pretty bows in her hair, talk to doctors and nurses on her behalf, I pumped breastmilk for 4 months for her....just sooooo much that I never, ever would have imagined. Only in the end, to lose her. To see life slip from her, into eternity, and hold her while she was taking her last breath. Friends, that was NOT done through my own strength. That was endured because of a supernatural strength only from my faith and hope in Jesus Christ. He held me, loved me, and listened to me when it was hard, so hard. He listened to my grief and sadness about it, and He listened to Josh's anger about it. He would share it with you, too, so I'm not sharing anything we wouldn't with you face to face. I was SO incredibly grief stricken, that I remember not wanting to go on some days. Josh was so incredibly angry because he felt helpless as a father and husband, and couldn't do anything to change it all. The pain was SO great, that I understood with everything in me what God felt when He saw them beat His one and only Son, hang Him on a cross, and watched Him breathe His last breath, just as I had. That love for your child is so great, until I cannot comprehend a parent being willing and able to sacrifice their child's life for so many unthankful, unworthy, horrible, wretched sinners....just like ME. If that doesn't make you feel an URGENT need to have Christ in your everyday life, I don't know what will.
I share all this as "therapy" for me, yes, because I enjoy putting my thoughts on "paper." But I also share it to bring honor and glory to my Lord, Jesus Christ. HE brought me from that dark, gloomy time and changed my selfish heart from what it was before Tori; gave me the opportunity to share Christ & heaven in a real, initmate, up close and personal way with my then 2 year old when otherwise I wouldn't have been able to; restored my marriage from failing and what seemed like doom, giving me a best friend & lover in Josh like I'd never had before; gave me another precious, baby girl that has been the light of my life for the past year; and I'm sure those are just the beginning of what He will do through her life. THOSE things make this time of the year more bearable. I'm not going to lie, and say I haven't or don't sit down and cry sometimes and wonder for a split second 'WHY?' I see all I've had with Scarlet over the past 14 months, and think of what all I missed with Tori. I see babies that are born as early as she was, and yet they thrive and grow, beat the odds, and I think she could have done that, too!
It's tough, I can't say it's not. Losing a child is like nothing I've ever experienced. I've lost friendships I cherished; experienced discord within my church family; endured my parent's divorce; almost had a divorce of my own; moved around throughout my life, leaving friends behind; changed & started new schools; given birth (!!!); and other various "trials." Losing my baby girl tops them all. What does James say about trials, though? "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I want all of these things I mentioned, even losing Tori, to produce perseverance, so that I may be mature and complete, lacking NOTHING! You can only understand that being worth it if you have the power of Christ through the Holy Spirit within you. Because why is that important enough to me to endure these trials? Because it goes on to say in verse 12, "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." THAT'S WHY. He suffered and bled so that I may live. He pardoned my sin so that I could go free. What a Savior!!! THAT definitely makes this time of the year a whole lot easier to endure.
I LOVE Christmas, and think of the song, "the most wonderful time of the year" when I think about it. That is why I call this time of the year, "NOT the most wonderful time of the year." But I hope you've seen through all the detail I shared, for this reason alone, that Christ and my relationship with Him makes it bearable through the "NON most wonderful time of the year." I strongly urge you to know Him so that He can make the difficulties of this life bearable for you, too. And not just bearable, but you can be VICTORIOUS...for we are more than just conquerers with Christ (Rom. 8)! And not just KNOW Him, but love, trust, and walk daily with Him. You can't say you're good friends with and expect someone to be there for you at the drop of a hat in the difficult times that you haven't talked to in 20 years, so how you can expect Christ to be there and help you out when you haven't talked with Him daily for awhile, or much less don't even know Him? No judging, only acceptance, so email me if you want loving guidance on how to have this in your life. You don't have to clean up or be good enough before coming to Him. He wants you just the way you are. It would take away from His glory if you had to straighten up before knowing Him. He can and will take care of you on the inside all on His own! :) By the way, nothing would honor Tori's life more than someone coming to Christ because of it. It would also make this momma happy and add another praise to my book! :) If you do know and have a daily relationship with Him, love Him, thank Him for your husband, children, and many blessings....then go kiss and hug them all real tight!!!!!! :)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Birthday Fun & Tubes
It's been over a week since I've posted, and SO much has happened...
My birthday was February 2nd, known to many as Groundhog Day! :) Josh and I (&Scarlet) spent half of the day together (while Savannah was in school), and he took me to my favorite Mexican restaraunt for lunch. I went on about my day thinking I was getting together for dinner with my mother in law and girls, but she had much more up her sleeve. :) She planned a surprise birthday party with several of my girlfriends and we had a girls only party that night!! It was so sweet of them all, and we had so much fun!! When I say I am blessed for all the caring friends I have in my life, I mean it!!! Several birthday wishes were received through cards, emails, texts, & facebook...and I was so thankful for each one. Someone stopping to wish me a happy birthday meant so much. It only takes a little kindness to make someones day! :) I went to the spa the next day and redeemed a gift certificate from my mom for a much needed "ME day." It was very relaxing and I could get used to that every week. Unfortunately, my bank account can't. HA! :) On Saturday morning, we went to a new membership class at the church we are joining. I think a membership class is a great idea for those wanting to join a church body...it was well taught by the Pastor, very informative, and we look forward to finishing up our session this Sunday afternoon. On Saturday night, we had some friends over and spent the evening just eating and talking! It was nice to just have some adult conversation for awhile! :) All in all, it was a great birthday WEEKEND...my last one in my 20's....yikes! :)
Scarlet got her tubes in her ears TODAY....early this morning...so it feels a lot later than 4 pm for me! :) The girls are sitting here playing and Scarlet is very happy!!! She has been miserable off and on for awhile now with ear pain, and now we know why. The ENT said after her surgery that usually when he makes a slit, watery type fluid will drain out. If it's worse than that, there will instead be a substance like Elmer's glue that he will have to suction out. He said hers was much MORE thicker than Elmer's glue and he had to use a larger suction to get it all out!!! Sorry for all the details...but that just shows how much was built up behind her ears and why she had been having fussiness, pulling at her ears, fevers at night sometimes, colds she couldn't get rid of, etc!!! He said she will hear SO much better now, because it had been quite muffled for her with her ears like that! She was quite upset for a couple of hours after the surgery while the anesthesia wore off, but then she slept for THREE hours and woke up very happy! Her nose hasn't been running near as bad, either. I am just amazed at the difference I think we will continue to see, and am thankful we had it done NOW instead of later! I give praise to the Lord for keeping her safe during surgery (anytime they put one to sleep, it can be a little nerve wrecking), allowing us to have the surgery done today rather than waiting any longer, and for the good recovery she already seems to be having!!!
Scarlet is also walking, walking, walking! She has been "wobbly walking" for a few weeks, but can actually get around the house now on her own. If she does get tripped up, she catches herself and starts going again! It's amazing how she seemed to pick it up so quickly. We were discussing how ear infections can cause dizziness, therefore causing your equilibrium to be off, so that may have also had something to do with her not walking as well until lately. Savannah started walking well 2 weeks after her first Birthday, and Scarlet was almost 13 months, so they were real close. Scarlet didn't even have her first cold/ear infection until almost 7 months, but has had several since then. Savannah had a couple of infections by the time Scarlet had her first, but Scarlet got her tubes at 13 months, and Savannah got hers at 15 months. So they were pretty close in that as well. I am so blessed to be the mom to two, wonderful girls here on this earth and sharing in their lives and taking care of them! I told Savannah just yesterday that Jesus gave her to me for a little while to teach her about Him and take care of her, but that she was ultimately His. Thankful for that loan...hoping I can honor Him and do this "parenting thing" the way He would have me to do it, bringing Him honor & glory through it all!
My birthday was February 2nd, known to many as Groundhog Day! :) Josh and I (&Scarlet) spent half of the day together (while Savannah was in school), and he took me to my favorite Mexican restaraunt for lunch. I went on about my day thinking I was getting together for dinner with my mother in law and girls, but she had much more up her sleeve. :) She planned a surprise birthday party with several of my girlfriends and we had a girls only party that night!! It was so sweet of them all, and we had so much fun!! When I say I am blessed for all the caring friends I have in my life, I mean it!!! Several birthday wishes were received through cards, emails, texts, & facebook...and I was so thankful for each one. Someone stopping to wish me a happy birthday meant so much. It only takes a little kindness to make someones day! :) I went to the spa the next day and redeemed a gift certificate from my mom for a much needed "ME day." It was very relaxing and I could get used to that every week. Unfortunately, my bank account can't. HA! :) On Saturday morning, we went to a new membership class at the church we are joining. I think a membership class is a great idea for those wanting to join a church body...it was well taught by the Pastor, very informative, and we look forward to finishing up our session this Sunday afternoon. On Saturday night, we had some friends over and spent the evening just eating and talking! It was nice to just have some adult conversation for awhile! :) All in all, it was a great birthday WEEKEND...my last one in my 20's....yikes! :)
Scarlet got her tubes in her ears TODAY....early this morning...so it feels a lot later than 4 pm for me! :) The girls are sitting here playing and Scarlet is very happy!!! She has been miserable off and on for awhile now with ear pain, and now we know why. The ENT said after her surgery that usually when he makes a slit, watery type fluid will drain out. If it's worse than that, there will instead be a substance like Elmer's glue that he will have to suction out. He said hers was much MORE thicker than Elmer's glue and he had to use a larger suction to get it all out!!! Sorry for all the details...but that just shows how much was built up behind her ears and why she had been having fussiness, pulling at her ears, fevers at night sometimes, colds she couldn't get rid of, etc!!! He said she will hear SO much better now, because it had been quite muffled for her with her ears like that! She was quite upset for a couple of hours after the surgery while the anesthesia wore off, but then she slept for THREE hours and woke up very happy! Her nose hasn't been running near as bad, either. I am just amazed at the difference I think we will continue to see, and am thankful we had it done NOW instead of later! I give praise to the Lord for keeping her safe during surgery (anytime they put one to sleep, it can be a little nerve wrecking), allowing us to have the surgery done today rather than waiting any longer, and for the good recovery she already seems to be having!!!
Scarlet is also walking, walking, walking! She has been "wobbly walking" for a few weeks, but can actually get around the house now on her own. If she does get tripped up, she catches herself and starts going again! It's amazing how she seemed to pick it up so quickly. We were discussing how ear infections can cause dizziness, therefore causing your equilibrium to be off, so that may have also had something to do with her not walking as well until lately. Savannah started walking well 2 weeks after her first Birthday, and Scarlet was almost 13 months, so they were real close. Scarlet didn't even have her first cold/ear infection until almost 7 months, but has had several since then. Savannah had a couple of infections by the time Scarlet had her first, but Scarlet got her tubes at 13 months, and Savannah got hers at 15 months. So they were pretty close in that as well. I am so blessed to be the mom to two, wonderful girls here on this earth and sharing in their lives and taking care of them! I told Savannah just yesterday that Jesus gave her to me for a little while to teach her about Him and take care of her, but that she was ultimately His. Thankful for that loan...hoping I can honor Him and do this "parenting thing" the way He would have me to do it, bringing Him honor & glory through it all!
Monday, January 30, 2012
My girls: Gymnastics, Choir, & Tubes!
Savannah had her first night at gymnastics tonight, and she loved it! She and her two little friends didn't know that another friend from school was also in that gymnastic class, so I think all 4 of them will enjoy it together! Savannah is a little monkey and is so much more flexible than her momma, with tons more energy to boot! :) I will have to take some pictures of her in action to share with our family & friends. :)
She also had her first kids choir practice at church yesterday afternoon. They are practicing for a musical program that they will perform on Sunday, May 6th. She is quite excited about it as well! She even got the prize yesterday for being the QUIETEST child in there. When she told us that, I was wondering if they meant the right child?! :) She is a sweet girl, but not sure that QUIET describes her most of the time! :) HA,HA! I am so glad that she is getting involved in this, gymnastics & AWANA. I love seeing her grow, learn, and watch her personality unfold more and more. Just when you think you have your child's personality, likes, & dislikes figured out, you see them grow even more, especially when they become school age and begin to get involved in more things. Unfortunately, it is also a sign that they are growing up. :( One day when she is walking down the aisle towards her husband to be, I will remember these times when she was the little girl that I used to watch run and play, learn new things, and tuck into bed! *Tears*..... :)
Scarlet's days have not been quite as pleasant. I say that because of her ear infections and cold she can't seem to get rid of, but she has actually been pretty cheerful considering how I know I feel when I have a cold! She played and played and talked and laughed with everyone this afternoon at the doctor's office, without ever fussing a bit, and then went to gymnastics with us and did the same there! The moms I was with even commented on how happy she was despite the fact that her ears are infected. I was actually shocked myself, but very, very thankful! I knew today was going to be a jam packed day, and can get stressed when I have a lot on my plate with lots of places to be, but it actually turned out much better than I expected! I can only say that it was the Lord helping me and her both, giving us the strength that we daily ask for!!! Neither one of us took a 5 hour energy or a magic-happy-pill of any sort, so what else could it have been?! :)
We did get her surgery to insert tubes in her ears scheduled for Thursday, February 9th. Our arrival time will probably be 6am! YAY! *sarcasm* I love her ENT we saw, and cannot wait for her to get them done. I actually wish there was an opening with him sooner, but I do dread the inconsolable crying that Savannah had afterwards, and them taking her away from you to put her to sleep. :( Trying to not think about it too much, though, and just focus on how it will be after it's done and over with! "I can't wait" is actually an understatement.
She only had ONE ear infection when we went in last week to her pediatrician, and the ENT said today that BOTH ears were full of white stuff and had lots of fluid. We are on day SIX of one of the stronger antibiotics, too. So, as parents, Josh and I are frustrated in that we feel helpless because she is not getting any better, and we can't seem to help much, either. We are doing everything we physically can, so now we just hurry up and wait for the surgery (AND PRAY FOR STRENGTH ONCE AGAIN). We are going to check AGAIN tomorrow about changing the antibiotics, to see if we can get this ear infection cleared up before surgery. Simply because this is the SECOND time that she has started out with ONE ear infected, and then ends up with BOTH. The doctor said at this rate she is going to become immune to the antibiotics and have damage to her hearing! :( So this is why I say "COME ON, FEBRUARY 9th!!"
***The kink in all this is that she always runs high fevers off and on with ear infections, and the ENT said we can't do the surgery if she has a fever. SO, if her ears have gotten worse instead of better, and we are almost finished with this round of antibiotics, and we KNOW that she runs fevers with ear infections, what do we (would YOU) do?! This is the frustration that Josh and I have felt today. What if we get to the hospital at 6am and she's running a fever?? No surgery. So, we need God's wisdom here. No, I'm serious. We have been frustrated as parents with some different things that were said and done today pertaining to her treatment, and we want to be the best advocate for our child that we can be, but we also want to remember that we represent Christ in all we say and do. That can be very difficult when it comes to your babies, especially your sick babies, and someone doesn't have the compassion or concern you would think they would/should have. So we need Him to guide our words and actions tomorrow. We need His healing power on our baby girl. Yes, even for an ear infection. If He cares about the sparrow, doesn't He care for us even more?! That's what the Bible tells me anyway.
So, if you read this tonight, please pray for us if you will, that we will do and say what we should, but also that what is needed to help her get well enough to have the surgery is done quickly! She has so much stuff that won't drain out that she has thrown up in her bed 3 different nights now for coughing and choking. I know that may be TMI, but that's how she feels....it's pitiful and I feel helpless at those times.
Thanks, friends, for listening to a momma concerned for her youngest, and proud of her oldest. :)
She also had her first kids choir practice at church yesterday afternoon. They are practicing for a musical program that they will perform on Sunday, May 6th. She is quite excited about it as well! She even got the prize yesterday for being the QUIETEST child in there. When she told us that, I was wondering if they meant the right child?! :) She is a sweet girl, but not sure that QUIET describes her most of the time! :) HA,HA! I am so glad that she is getting involved in this, gymnastics & AWANA. I love seeing her grow, learn, and watch her personality unfold more and more. Just when you think you have your child's personality, likes, & dislikes figured out, you see them grow even more, especially when they become school age and begin to get involved in more things. Unfortunately, it is also a sign that they are growing up. :( One day when she is walking down the aisle towards her husband to be, I will remember these times when she was the little girl that I used to watch run and play, learn new things, and tuck into bed! *Tears*..... :)
Scarlet's days have not been quite as pleasant. I say that because of her ear infections and cold she can't seem to get rid of, but she has actually been pretty cheerful considering how I know I feel when I have a cold! She played and played and talked and laughed with everyone this afternoon at the doctor's office, without ever fussing a bit, and then went to gymnastics with us and did the same there! The moms I was with even commented on how happy she was despite the fact that her ears are infected. I was actually shocked myself, but very, very thankful! I knew today was going to be a jam packed day, and can get stressed when I have a lot on my plate with lots of places to be, but it actually turned out much better than I expected! I can only say that it was the Lord helping me and her both, giving us the strength that we daily ask for!!! Neither one of us took a 5 hour energy or a magic-happy-pill of any sort, so what else could it have been?! :)
We did get her surgery to insert tubes in her ears scheduled for Thursday, February 9th. Our arrival time will probably be 6am! YAY! *sarcasm* I love her ENT we saw, and cannot wait for her to get them done. I actually wish there was an opening with him sooner, but I do dread the inconsolable crying that Savannah had afterwards, and them taking her away from you to put her to sleep. :( Trying to not think about it too much, though, and just focus on how it will be after it's done and over with! "I can't wait" is actually an understatement.
She only had ONE ear infection when we went in last week to her pediatrician, and the ENT said today that BOTH ears were full of white stuff and had lots of fluid. We are on day SIX of one of the stronger antibiotics, too. So, as parents, Josh and I are frustrated in that we feel helpless because she is not getting any better, and we can't seem to help much, either. We are doing everything we physically can, so now we just hurry up and wait for the surgery (AND PRAY FOR STRENGTH ONCE AGAIN). We are going to check AGAIN tomorrow about changing the antibiotics, to see if we can get this ear infection cleared up before surgery. Simply because this is the SECOND time that she has started out with ONE ear infected, and then ends up with BOTH. The doctor said at this rate she is going to become immune to the antibiotics and have damage to her hearing! :( So this is why I say "COME ON, FEBRUARY 9th!!"
***The kink in all this is that she always runs high fevers off and on with ear infections, and the ENT said we can't do the surgery if she has a fever. SO, if her ears have gotten worse instead of better, and we are almost finished with this round of antibiotics, and we KNOW that she runs fevers with ear infections, what do we (would YOU) do?! This is the frustration that Josh and I have felt today. What if we get to the hospital at 6am and she's running a fever?? No surgery. So, we need God's wisdom here. No, I'm serious. We have been frustrated as parents with some different things that were said and done today pertaining to her treatment, and we want to be the best advocate for our child that we can be, but we also want to remember that we represent Christ in all we say and do. That can be very difficult when it comes to your babies, especially your sick babies, and someone doesn't have the compassion or concern you would think they would/should have. So we need Him to guide our words and actions tomorrow. We need His healing power on our baby girl. Yes, even for an ear infection. If He cares about the sparrow, doesn't He care for us even more?! That's what the Bible tells me anyway.
So, if you read this tonight, please pray for us if you will, that we will do and say what we should, but also that what is needed to help her get well enough to have the surgery is done quickly! She has so much stuff that won't drain out that she has thrown up in her bed 3 different nights now for coughing and choking. I know that may be TMI, but that's how she feels....it's pitiful and I feel helpless at those times.
Thanks, friends, for listening to a momma concerned for her youngest, and proud of her oldest. :)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
"Oh, be careful little mouth what you say..."
"But the words you speak come from the heart--that's what defiles you." Matthew 15:18
Doing Savannah's devotion with her today and this was our verse. Oh, how this convicts me! I have REALLY been trying to watch my words lately. I don't mean cursing, but just making sure I use kind, uplifting, sincere, humble words...instead of unkind, discouraging, sarcastic, or prideful words. We tend to let our tongue "slip" when we are talking to those closest to us, and it can leave them hurt, offended, shocked, or just plain hacked off at us. Not that I always talk this way to my family and friends, :) but I'm just saying in the moment, when we're stressed out, don't feel good, tired, frustrated about something, etc., we tend to let our emotions get the best of us with those we love most. Or maybe I'm the only one who reacts and says things I shouldn't or in the wrong way sometimes...oh, ok, I didn't think so. :)
I have been working on this, though, because I want my heart to be clean, pure, Christlike, etc., so therefore my words need to coincide with that. We've all heard the saying, "Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you're saying (Ralph Waldo Emerson)." You can say all you want that Christ is the center of your life, that you love others, that you are a kind, caring person, that you don't hold grudges, that you go to church, etc, but are the words coming out of your mouth matching up with that?! People who aren't interested in being a part of what we supposed Christians are, is all because of the hypocrisy they see in what we say is in our hearts, but what's really coming out of our mouths/actions!!! God, please forgive us for this and convict us about the things we say matching up with what we say we believe!!!
I have friends who may be having a bad day, but their lives and words they speak have such a sweet spirit to them, and you don't have to question what is in their heart. They have the love of Christ within, and it is obvious, like a sweet smelling fragrance is when you first come in contact with it. Lord, let that be said of me!!! I love Him and want to be like Him, but don't want the difficult times and how I react, make it seem otherwise. I want to serve Him, but don't want it to seem like I don't, when I speak of selfish things. I want to love others, but I don't want how I speak of someone to make it seem like I don't. All of these things defile us as the verse says...our true thoughts & feelings come from the heart and show our "true colors." I know we're not perfect, and sometimes the flesh will get the best of us, but let's battle our flesh and ask God to purify our hearts daily, making it obvious that we love Him and want a GOOD kind of different to be noticed in us because of the words we say!!! Do you want that??!!
Doing Savannah's devotion with her today and this was our verse. Oh, how this convicts me! I have REALLY been trying to watch my words lately. I don't mean cursing, but just making sure I use kind, uplifting, sincere, humble words...instead of unkind, discouraging, sarcastic, or prideful words. We tend to let our tongue "slip" when we are talking to those closest to us, and it can leave them hurt, offended, shocked, or just plain hacked off at us. Not that I always talk this way to my family and friends, :) but I'm just saying in the moment, when we're stressed out, don't feel good, tired, frustrated about something, etc., we tend to let our emotions get the best of us with those we love most. Or maybe I'm the only one who reacts and says things I shouldn't or in the wrong way sometimes...oh, ok, I didn't think so. :)
I have been working on this, though, because I want my heart to be clean, pure, Christlike, etc., so therefore my words need to coincide with that. We've all heard the saying, "Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you're saying (Ralph Waldo Emerson)." You can say all you want that Christ is the center of your life, that you love others, that you are a kind, caring person, that you don't hold grudges, that you go to church, etc, but are the words coming out of your mouth matching up with that?! People who aren't interested in being a part of what we supposed Christians are, is all because of the hypocrisy they see in what we say is in our hearts, but what's really coming out of our mouths/actions!!! God, please forgive us for this and convict us about the things we say matching up with what we say we believe!!!
I have friends who may be having a bad day, but their lives and words they speak have such a sweet spirit to them, and you don't have to question what is in their heart. They have the love of Christ within, and it is obvious, like a sweet smelling fragrance is when you first come in contact with it. Lord, let that be said of me!!! I love Him and want to be like Him, but don't want the difficult times and how I react, make it seem otherwise. I want to serve Him, but don't want it to seem like I don't, when I speak of selfish things. I want to love others, but I don't want how I speak of someone to make it seem like I don't. All of these things defile us as the verse says...our true thoughts & feelings come from the heart and show our "true colors." I know we're not perfect, and sometimes the flesh will get the best of us, but let's battle our flesh and ask God to purify our hearts daily, making it obvious that we love Him and want a GOOD kind of different to be noticed in us because of the words we say!!! Do you want that??!!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sanctity Of Human Life Day...how fitting at 5 years...
Tomorrow we will observe Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. What does that mean??
In a January 13, 1984 proclamation, President Ronald Reagan designated January 22, 1984 as the first National Sanctity of Human Life Day. The date was chosen to coincide with the 11th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade Supreme Court case that first recognized the constitutionally-protected status of abortion in the United States. Reagan issued the proclamation annually thereafter, designating Sanctity of Human Life Day to be the third Sunday in January, which represents the closest Sunday to the original January 22 date. His successor, George H. W. Bush, continued the annual proclamation throughout his presidency. Bush's successor, Bill Clinton, discontinued the practice throughout his eight years in office, but Bush's son and Clinton's successor, George W. Bush, resumed the proclamation, and did so every year of his presidency." (Source, Wikipedia) "Since 1983, Americans have observed Sanctity of Human Life Sunday (SOHLS) as a day to celebrate the intrinsic value of all human life." (Source: CareNet)
I always love to honor this day with others that value the importance of human life and believe it begins at conception. The "ironic" thing about it now, is that it's always on the 3rd Sunday in January, and for the past 4 years, that has been near the anniversary of the day we lost our unborn baby due to a miscarriage.
January 23, 2007 will forever be etched in my mind. I was almost out of my first trimester, almost in "the clear." Or so you think. I began cramping that morning on my way to work and by the time I got to work, I realized I was actually having full blown contractions, and couldn't talk through them. To avoid all the gorey details, it was the most traumatic thing I have seen in person. My friend that I worked with, who has become a lifelong friend and like a mother to me because of all we have endured together, rushed me to the hospital. My OB wanted to finish seeing a few patients before she did a D&C, but the anesthesiologist insisted that we not wait any longer because I was losing too much blood. All I could think the whole time was that the baby was alive just the day before, and everything appreared to be fine. There had been an almost 11 week old baby in my womb, and now he/she was gone to heaven. Some people that don't honor Sanctity of Human Life Day would argue otherwise. They say even though there had been a heartbeat, that it was just a fetus, but not a human life. I beg to differ. That baby was not fully grown, but was a person. I know I will see that precious baby one day when I get to heaven, and fully believe that I will recognize him/her.
So this will be the 5th year (on Monday) that I will remember this precious baby, and honor his/her LIFE. It obviously hurts that I didn't have that baby here to hold, and haven't been able to watch them grow on this earth for the past few years, but I know it was for a reason. God has worked in our lives SO much since then, and although it's not always been perfect, it's been worth it. I've said that before and some people probably think I'm crazy, but really, at the end of the day, it's true. I wouldn't choose pain and suffering, but I would choose the lessons He's taught me since then.
So I will hug Savannah tight and kiss Scarlet tomorrow, and be thankful for my babies that I do have, and one day will share more in detail with them about their brother or sister they had, and will see one day in Heaven. I hope and pray that they, too, will value the importance of human life, from conception, and always honor this day in their hearts as well.
In a January 13, 1984 proclamation, President Ronald Reagan designated January 22, 1984 as the first National Sanctity of Human Life Day. The date was chosen to coincide with the 11th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade Supreme Court case that first recognized the constitutionally-protected status of abortion in the United States. Reagan issued the proclamation annually thereafter, designating Sanctity of Human Life Day to be the third Sunday in January, which represents the closest Sunday to the original January 22 date. His successor, George H. W. Bush, continued the annual proclamation throughout his presidency. Bush's successor, Bill Clinton, discontinued the practice throughout his eight years in office, but Bush's son and Clinton's successor, George W. Bush, resumed the proclamation, and did so every year of his presidency." (Source, Wikipedia) "Since 1983, Americans have observed Sanctity of Human Life Sunday (SOHLS) as a day to celebrate the intrinsic value of all human life." (Source: CareNet)
I always love to honor this day with others that value the importance of human life and believe it begins at conception. The "ironic" thing about it now, is that it's always on the 3rd Sunday in January, and for the past 4 years, that has been near the anniversary of the day we lost our unborn baby due to a miscarriage.
January 23, 2007 will forever be etched in my mind. I was almost out of my first trimester, almost in "the clear." Or so you think. I began cramping that morning on my way to work and by the time I got to work, I realized I was actually having full blown contractions, and couldn't talk through them. To avoid all the gorey details, it was the most traumatic thing I have seen in person. My friend that I worked with, who has become a lifelong friend and like a mother to me because of all we have endured together, rushed me to the hospital. My OB wanted to finish seeing a few patients before she did a D&C, but the anesthesiologist insisted that we not wait any longer because I was losing too much blood. All I could think the whole time was that the baby was alive just the day before, and everything appreared to be fine. There had been an almost 11 week old baby in my womb, and now he/she was gone to heaven. Some people that don't honor Sanctity of Human Life Day would argue otherwise. They say even though there had been a heartbeat, that it was just a fetus, but not a human life. I beg to differ. That baby was not fully grown, but was a person. I know I will see that precious baby one day when I get to heaven, and fully believe that I will recognize him/her.
So this will be the 5th year (on Monday) that I will remember this precious baby, and honor his/her LIFE. It obviously hurts that I didn't have that baby here to hold, and haven't been able to watch them grow on this earth for the past few years, but I know it was for a reason. God has worked in our lives SO much since then, and although it's not always been perfect, it's been worth it. I've said that before and some people probably think I'm crazy, but really, at the end of the day, it's true. I wouldn't choose pain and suffering, but I would choose the lessons He's taught me since then.
So I will hug Savannah tight and kiss Scarlet tomorrow, and be thankful for my babies that I do have, and one day will share more in detail with them about their brother or sister they had, and will see one day in Heaven. I hope and pray that they, too, will value the importance of human life, from conception, and always honor this day in their hearts as well.
Savannah
Baby in Heaven
Victoria (Tori)
Scarlet
Friday, January 20, 2012
Ten pounds; New Bible; Gymnastics; Weekend!
Miscellaneous title, I know! :) Bear with me...
TEN POUNDS: I was pretty excited to weigh today, only to discover that I have lost 10 pounds in 6 weeks since I quit nursing Scarlet! I hope to be at my goal weight by May! "I think I can, I think I can!" It's been well over 2 years since I was close to my goal weight...between pregnancy (4 over the past 6 years!) and nursing, I have felt like a BABY BLOB! Thankfully Josh loves me for me, but I've told him that I want this for ME, and thankfully he understands and is supportive. I want to feel good in my clothes and have self confidence again. Surely all you fellow mommas can understand...except for the ones who just had a little bump when pregnant, and immediately wore your pre pregnancy jeans 2 weeks after giving birth. To you, I just roll my eyes. I'M KIDDING. Some people have great genes, I do not. Savannah will be tall and skinny like my sister, and it looks like Scarlet may be short and stubby like me. :) That's ok, though. Anyway, I am thankful for the first ten pounds gone, although I'm not really sure where I lost it...LOL :)
NEW BIBLE: I picked out and bought my early Birthday present tonight at LifeWay. My birthday is less than 2 weeks away, but Josh said if I want it now, to go ahead and get it. So, I got a Holman Christian Standard Study Bible that I have been wanting for awhile now!! I was debating between the John MacArthur Study Bible and this one, but I decided on the HCSB in the end. I just LOVE it! I recommend it for sure if you're looking for a new Bible yourself. I've had a women's Study Bible for years, and was just needing something new. I will let you know how I like it in the days to come! :)
GYMNASTICS: Met with a friend of ours tonight and her little girl at CHILL Yogurt and looked over Gymnastics info for the girls. We have been looking for something that Savannah can get involved in, and this seemed perfect. She is very energetic (not sure how poised she will be) and will have plenty of energy for flipping, etc! It is perfect for ME, too, because I don't have to sit out in the blazing South Alabama heat this spring & summer watching her for an hour...you can't beat that, in my eyes anyway! :) We'll be taking this class with 2 of her little friends from school/church each Monday evening for an hour. She is excited, to say the least! We'll see how she does! Maybe she will be a little gymnast and get a scholarship somewhere one day. :) Hey, I can dream, can't I?! ha!
WEEKEND: TGIATW!!! (Thank goodness it's almost the weekend!!! And mostly because JOSH IS OFF!!! WOO HOO!!!) To say this has been a long week is an understatement. It's been a long two weeks, actually, as Josh has had to work SIX 12 hour days lately. This is their busy season (ya think?!). 17 hours was the total one day, and that is just TOO MUCH. He's exhausted, we have little time with him, and I have been battling a bad attitude about it all, just to be honest. I am SOOO grateful that he has a job, PLEASE don't get me wrong...but my fatigue and loneliness at times can just get the best of me some days! I end up feeling bad because I have two small girls that don't understand why mommy has no energy by the evening each day....but my day starts before the sun is up and doesn't stop until well after it goes down. I KNOW, THAT I KNOW, THAT I KNOW this is for a season in our lives...but when you "can't see His plan, and have to trust His Hand," that can be easier said than done! I have found myself having to stop constantly and ask God to forgive me and help me with my wrong attitude, discontentment, etc when I feel overwhelmed, alone and just TIRED, both physically and mentally. Philippians 4:19 has come to me in different ways over the past two weeks...it says God will meet ALL (not some) of our needs, according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. The creator of the universe, who is owner of everything, is more than capable and fully able to meet my needs! That encourages me on those days when I feel like a single mom, doing everything alone, from start to finish. I am NOT asking for pity, I PROMISE. Josh is not choosing to work this much, and we are both praying about and seeking what the Lord has for our family long term in this situation. He provided this job, so I know He can provide what we need to change things for the better, for our family, for long term. Will you join us in praying about this, please? It's been my biggest struggle lately, and I don't want it to get the best of me. I want to be the wife and mother God desires me to be, and I don't want my selfishness or lack of trust in Him to get in the way of what He can do.
Until next time... :)
TEN POUNDS: I was pretty excited to weigh today, only to discover that I have lost 10 pounds in 6 weeks since I quit nursing Scarlet! I hope to be at my goal weight by May! "I think I can, I think I can!" It's been well over 2 years since I was close to my goal weight...between pregnancy (4 over the past 6 years!) and nursing, I have felt like a BABY BLOB! Thankfully Josh loves me for me, but I've told him that I want this for ME, and thankfully he understands and is supportive. I want to feel good in my clothes and have self confidence again. Surely all you fellow mommas can understand...except for the ones who just had a little bump when pregnant, and immediately wore your pre pregnancy jeans 2 weeks after giving birth. To you, I just roll my eyes. I'M KIDDING. Some people have great genes, I do not. Savannah will be tall and skinny like my sister, and it looks like Scarlet may be short and stubby like me. :) That's ok, though. Anyway, I am thankful for the first ten pounds gone, although I'm not really sure where I lost it...LOL :)
NEW BIBLE: I picked out and bought my early Birthday present tonight at LifeWay. My birthday is less than 2 weeks away, but Josh said if I want it now, to go ahead and get it. So, I got a Holman Christian Standard Study Bible that I have been wanting for awhile now!! I was debating between the John MacArthur Study Bible and this one, but I decided on the HCSB in the end. I just LOVE it! I recommend it for sure if you're looking for a new Bible yourself. I've had a women's Study Bible for years, and was just needing something new. I will let you know how I like it in the days to come! :)
GYMNASTICS: Met with a friend of ours tonight and her little girl at CHILL Yogurt and looked over Gymnastics info for the girls. We have been looking for something that Savannah can get involved in, and this seemed perfect. She is very energetic (not sure how poised she will be) and will have plenty of energy for flipping, etc! It is perfect for ME, too, because I don't have to sit out in the blazing South Alabama heat this spring & summer watching her for an hour...you can't beat that, in my eyes anyway! :) We'll be taking this class with 2 of her little friends from school/church each Monday evening for an hour. She is excited, to say the least! We'll see how she does! Maybe she will be a little gymnast and get a scholarship somewhere one day. :) Hey, I can dream, can't I?! ha!
WEEKEND: TGIATW!!! (Thank goodness it's almost the weekend!!! And mostly because JOSH IS OFF!!! WOO HOO!!!) To say this has been a long week is an understatement. It's been a long two weeks, actually, as Josh has had to work SIX 12 hour days lately. This is their busy season (ya think?!). 17 hours was the total one day, and that is just TOO MUCH. He's exhausted, we have little time with him, and I have been battling a bad attitude about it all, just to be honest. I am SOOO grateful that he has a job, PLEASE don't get me wrong...but my fatigue and loneliness at times can just get the best of me some days! I end up feeling bad because I have two small girls that don't understand why mommy has no energy by the evening each day....but my day starts before the sun is up and doesn't stop until well after it goes down. I KNOW, THAT I KNOW, THAT I KNOW this is for a season in our lives...but when you "can't see His plan, and have to trust His Hand," that can be easier said than done! I have found myself having to stop constantly and ask God to forgive me and help me with my wrong attitude, discontentment, etc when I feel overwhelmed, alone and just TIRED, both physically and mentally. Philippians 4:19 has come to me in different ways over the past two weeks...it says God will meet ALL (not some) of our needs, according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. The creator of the universe, who is owner of everything, is more than capable and fully able to meet my needs! That encourages me on those days when I feel like a single mom, doing everything alone, from start to finish. I am NOT asking for pity, I PROMISE. Josh is not choosing to work this much, and we are both praying about and seeking what the Lord has for our family long term in this situation. He provided this job, so I know He can provide what we need to change things for the better, for our family, for long term. Will you join us in praying about this, please? It's been my biggest struggle lately, and I don't want it to get the best of me. I want to be the wife and mother God desires me to be, and I don't want my selfishness or lack of trust in Him to get in the way of what He can do.
Until next time... :)
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