Word of God, Speak; Pour Down Like Rain

Many times, we as believers, pray for God to speak & show Himself to us.  Guess what?!  He HAS already spoken everything we need to know...through His Word.  He gave us His word for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16).  I am SO thankful for that, and still stand amazed at when I hear God speak (not audibly) so clearly through His Word!  I'll give you an example.

Tonight, I had THE sweetest devotion and prayer time with Savannah.  She is really learning & growing, and it blesses me SO much to hear the things she takes away from our time in the Word.  Tonight, we read about the crucifixion in our Jesus Storybook Bible (which if you don't have it, I highly recommend it...it's written by Sally Llyod-Jones, and is unlike any Children's Bible that I've ever read.  A lady recommended it to me last year, and it was one of the best things I've ever bought for my girls!).  I want to share with you an excerpt from the middle of our story tonight:

"They nailed Jesus to the cross.  "Father, forgive them," He gasped.  "They don't understand what they're doing."  "You say you've come to rescue us," the people shouted, "but you can't even rescue yourself!"  But they were wrong.  Jesus could have rescued Himself.  A legion of angels would have flown to His side--if He'd have called.     ......Jesus could have just climbed down.  Actually, He could have just said a word and made it all stop.  Like when he healed that little girl.  And stilled the storm.  And fed 5,000 people.  But Jesus stayed.   You see, they didn't understand.  It wasn't the nails that kept Jesus there.  It was love.  "Papa?"  Jesus said, frantically searching the sky.  "Papa?  Where are you?  Don't leave me!"  And for the first time--and the last--when he spoke, nothing happened.  Just a horrible, endless silence.  God didn't answer.  He turned away from His Boy.  Tears rolled down Jesus' face.  The face of the One who would wipe away every tear from every eye.  Even though it was midday, a dreadful darkness covered the face of the world.  The sun could not shine.  The earth trembled and quaked. ...........The full force of God's fierce anger at sin was coming down.  On His own Son.  Instead of His people (you and me).  It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin (US).  Then Jesus shouted out in a loud voice, "It is finished!"  And it was.  He had done it.  Jesus had rescued the whole world.  "Father!"  Jesus cried, "I give you my whole life."  And with a great sigh, He let Himself die."

After reading this and talking more about the crucifixion, we said, "But we know the REST of the story!"  What a joyful thing the REST is...that he defeated death & arose from the grave to become a victor over sin!  However, my heart was still very much on the thought of Calvary at that moment.  We always refer to "Jesus dying on the cross for us," but what does that really mean to us?  Have we let that thought in itself become lightly taken in our hearts and minds for hearing it so many times?  Have we lost the thrill of what Jesus did for us personally?  I thought about that, and how I never again in my life want it to become so familiar that I take it for granted like I used to (!!).  So I posed this to Savannah:  "What if Scarlet was older and she did something REALLY bad, like going to get a VERY BAD spanking for it, grounded for a month, no TV, etc...  What if YOU, being her sister that loves her SO much, came to me and said, "Mommy, I don't want Scarlet to get the bad spanking, I'll take it for her.  I won't watch any TV or do anything fun for a month.  I said, "YOU would take her place, Savannah.  She wouldn't have to get that really bad spanking because YOU took it for her.  YOU took ALL her punishment for her.  I would have to punish SOMEONE for the really bad thing she did, so you would take her place.  Then think about after that.  Don't you think Scarlet would really love you and want to show you her love for you?  Don't you think that she would really be thanking you & telling you how much she loved you everyday??  Well, that's what Jesus did for US!!  To save us from eternal seperation from God and going to hell, Jesus took the punishment for OUR sins and got much worse than a spanking or being grounded!!  He loved us so much that He took our place for OUR punishment that WE deserved.  We shouldn't do what's right or wrong just to follow any rules, but out of our love for Him.  Even people that don't believe in God try to do good things.  We should be serving & following Him instead of ourselves because of what He did for us!"  I wish you could have seen the look on her face.  It was like the lightbulb truly clicked on in her mind at that moment.  When she considered her own pain from that punishment, she understood a little more about the punishment that Jesus took for her.

I share all this for a reason.  I feel like someone needed to hear it, even broken down so simply, that a child can understand.  God forgive us for losing sight of what He WILLINGLY did for us at Calvary.  It brings tears to my eyes to think about friends & loved ones & people I don't even know who take this so lightly, and don't want to live their life for Him because of what He did for us.  I followed up by telling Savannah that yes, God rescued us by doing that, but each person still has to CHOOSE HIM for themselves.  I was on a path for much of my life that I knew all this, and used Scripture as the doctrine for what I believed, but I sure didn't use it for reproof or correction, nor instruction in righteousness, because my actions spoke much louder than my words.  God doesn't want lip service from us.  He wants ALL or nothing.  Look at what He gave!!  He turned His back on His Son at that moment for YOU!!  It's NOT just a STORY, like I told Savannah, but really happened.  And one day He's going to come back for us, and it will be too late for you to start taking the God of the Bible seriously.  Please, I beg you, die to yourself today, and make Him Lord of your life, and not just Savior.  Small is the gate and NARROW is the way that leads to life, and only a FEW find it.  I think for much of my life I wasn't a part of the few.  I believed in God, and loved Him, but still wanted to do life MY way.  I didn't want to surrender all.  I didn't want to die to self.  It was TOO much to give up.  We don't have to get cleaned up to come to God, He is STILL cleaning ME up everyday!! 

After our story, we prayed as we always do.  I can't explain to you the feeling of that sweet prayer time.  I was moved to tears, and just couldn't speak for the gratitude in my heart for what He did for me!!  Savannah asked me afterwards, "Mommy, why couldn't you talk?"  I just told her that I could just imagine us being right at the throne of God, praying and talking to Him, and how awesome that was.  That the God of the universe that created EVERYTHING was available at that moment and time to listen to she and I.  And all because of what His Son did for us!!  I told Josh THAT is when I can feel and hear God speak.  We ask Him to, and He already has, through His word.  When we're faithful to seek Him, we find Him.  To those who don't believe, I get it.  This sounds like foolishness.  Scripture says that clearly.  It was real, and it was true, and when I called Josh to share with Him our time tonight, He says that's so weird because He was just reading Romans 5 & 6 tonight, which just about summed it all up for me & made my cup overflow for the day!!  I hope you'll read some of it below...

Heart for the Needy

Today begins a new chapter in our lives. Josh and I have been praying about something for the past several months, and finally decided to step out in faith as we seek to fulfill God's commandments for our lives as believers.

In James 1:27 it says, "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."  We unfortunately can't afford the thousands of dollars required to adopt, but we CAN help "orphans" in another way.  The Lord brought a lady from our local Alabama Baptist Children's Home into my life, and as Josh and I began to talk about it, we realized that while children are there, they are techinically orphans.  They didn't ask to be put in this situation, and don't have a parent or other family member who can look after them at this point.  The ABCH requires that their foster families be Christians, and involved in a local church.  They want their families to plant the seeds of Christ into these little ones lives.  That is exactly what we want to do.


After gathering more information, we realized most all of their needs financially are basically taken care of.  They will be on Medicaid, so all of their medical expenses will be taken care of.  They are on WIC, so all of their formula, milk, baby food, etc will be taken care of.  There is a clothes closet at the ABCH that churches have donated to for these children in need.  The ABCH gives an allotment each month to families to care for any other needs they may have, so nothing comes out of pocket from us.  All that is required by us is to love, take care of, and nurture these children in need.  They only give you a child that is younger than your oldest one.  So ours would be Scarlet's age or younger.


Once we found all this out, we couldn't say no.  It will be a joy to teach a child who might otherwise have not heard about Jesus, my Savior.  If Scarlet can already learn Bible stories & songs, learn to pray, etc, then I can teach another child that, too.  How thankful I am that Christ might be able to use me in this way.  I am so humbled.  I will give Him all the glory and praise, for I am just so thankful that He has brought our family to this position, and given us the ability to do so. 


So this afternoon we will begin our first of ten classes to prepare us for foster care through the ABCH.  We didn't want to go through the government system, so God answered my prayer on bringing this lady into my life.  We will end classes on November 25th, and could receive a child as soon as the next day.  She said they are in dire need for foster families, that she has had to turn referrals away.  So by Christmas we will more than likely have a baby to add to our family!  Savannah wants a little brother! :)  We shall see!


I am just so thankful that God has changed my view on having the perfect American dream & family, that we have the biggest & best of everything by a certain age, that we have all our children, that are only OUR children, and certainly not one of another ethniticity, because we have to have the cookie cutter mold of an American family.  Unfortunately, that was subconsciously the way I basically thought at one time.  Josh and I both want to do things radically now, though, for that is what Christ calls us to do as believers, die to ourselves and fulfill the things He has said we should do as followers of Him...which, let's face it, are not in alignment with what we've created that our lives should be like in America today.  That doesn't mean foster care for everyone, but it does say that genuine religion in the sight of God is to care for orphans & widows in some way, and that means everyone that truly follows Christ.  Just something to think about.  Josh and I have been drastically convicted on if we view God as who He really is, or if we just made Him out to be someone we pray to as we need Him, and read a 5 minute devotion every other day or so.  God calls us to be and do so much more.  We certainly don't have it all together, but I pray that God continues to teach me, change me, and mold me into what He wants me to be...just as He did with foster care. :)  Thanks SO much for your love, support, and prayers...we would appreciate it during this process!

Tori's 5th Birthday

We have moved back to Dothan, Alabama since Tori's birth and death, and a lot of new friends have come into our life over the past year and a half. I don't realize that a lot of them don't know Tori's story, so just last night, someone asked about her, and I caught myself thinking, "Oh, you didn't know?" I then get the blessed opportunity to share her life with them, what all her journey on this earth entailed, and most importantly, give God all the glory and praise for what He's done in my life, my marriage, and my family's life since and because of Victoria Leigh Wilhoit's life! Josh and I were then talking last night, and I said there used to be a time where I couldn't hold or even look at babies. It was too painful. God has healed my heart of that, and gave me Scarlet Grace since. That in itself is a miracle from God. When you are a mother who just buried her child in a tiny, doll sized casket, you don't ever think at that moment that you will "bounce back" or be able to carry on with life as usual. But, I have. My life is actually far from "the usual" sometimes, it seems. My husband is working 40 hours a week, taking a full load of classes- 17 hours this semester, I homeschool our oldest daughter who is in 1st grade, we now have CO-OP classes on Tuesdays where I help with that, I have a 20 month old that I am raising- and about to enter the potty training stage with in a few, short months, am involved in our church, and the list of hats go on that we tend to wear from day to day, week to week! I am SO happy to be "back among the living," so to speak, and have normalcy in my life 5 years later, when I honestly didn't see how at that time! I try very hard not to take things for granted, for I know where I've been, and it could be a lot worse. There was a time when I didn't know if my husband and I would make it another day. I can thankfully say by the grace of God we will celebrate our TENTH anniversary next year!!! We have talked some about a vow renewal ceremony, and I think that would be so special, mostly to give awesome praise to God for where He has brought us from and to! If you would have asked me 4.5 years ago after Tori died if I would have thought I would be homeschooling my daughter, have another daughter, and my husband in Bible College, looking towards music ministry and missions in the next 2.5 years, I would have laughed! :) That only makes me so excited to see what God has in store and how I pray that He could use us in the NEXT five years! It's NOTHING about us, but all about Him! He restored my marriage to an even better place than it was before. I can honestly say that I love and am closer to my husband more in the past 5 years than I have been the whole 13 years we've been together! And not just because of the many years that pass, and you get closer as time goes on...but all because of Tori's life!!! It didn't pain me to share her life with my friend last night who didn't know her story. Josh and I agreed that it gives us such joy to be able to do so, for we never want her forgotten. Don't ever be afraid to ask something about her, for we are an open book, and it is actually very much healing for me to be able to discuss it all with someone. I may tear up, but it's ultimately tears of joy. Again, that is a GOD THING, not a Melissa thing. I wanted to shrivel up in a hole and die 4.5 years ago along with her. But by the grace of God, He sustained Josh and I long enough to get us to the healing point, and made beautiful things from it all. I want to thank the many people that DID know Tori, and about her life, and what all she/we went through. You saw up close and personal her battle to overcome her prematurity, only to lose it in the end. You heard us talk about what a healthy baby she was at birth, just premature, and the hope we were given from nurses and doctors. You saw our hope squashed, as a team of doctors and nurses told us 6 months later that she was terminal at that point. You held our hands and hugged our necks as we cried. You held us up in prayer daily, as well as our sweet baby girl. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. Some people didn't know how to reach out, for it was not an easy situation I know, but to those who bit the bullet of uncomfortableness, thank you for being there. We were blessed with such a great support system at that time in our lives. We met many people through our hospital stay, and had visits from complete strangers. We have friendships that will last a lifetime because of our 6 months with sweet Tori. I am so incredibly blessed by all of that. God placed each of you in my life for a reason during that difficult season in my life, and I am forever grateful to Him for doing so. At five years, I recall the day I gave birth to Tori, as I always do when my children have birthdays. I recall how sick I was, and how badly she needed to be delivered. I remember looking at her as they showed her to me, and hearing a little cry that sounded like a kitten crying. She was precious. Tiny, but perfect. Everything was formed just perfectly, just super tiny. She was 1 pound, 9 oz when she was born, and was almost 12 pounds when she died. While so little, Josh could put his wedding band on her arm as a bangle bracelet. :) We actually have molds of her hands and feet at a couple of months old...Josh has said several times if we have a fire, we must get the girls first, and then those molds out! They show all the details of her hands and toes, it's amazing. I am thankful for that reminder of how little she was, but how big God is! He formed her in my womb, He numbered her days, He knew she was fearfully & wonderfully made in His image, and I have SO much peace from all that He has shown me since her birth from His word! I think at five years, what would she look like? What color would her hair be? What kind of things would she like...what would be her favorite food? What would be her favorite movie? What would be her favorite color? Would she be excited about starting Kindergarten next year? I know her and her sister would be close, Savannah loves Scarlet so much, and I know having a sister closer in age, too, would be wonderful for her! I think where would this birthday party be at? What would the theme be? Who would her friends be? These are all things that run through my mind as a mother to a little girl who should be here...who was NOT "handicapped" when born, just small...who is now praising her Heavenly Father and spending every moment in His presence. How awesome that must be! That is where the really joyous part of this post comes in! What a reunion that will be! I fully believe I will know and recognize Tori in heaven. She won't be my daughter in heaven, but I will see her again. We will praise our Lord together forever. What else could I ask to do with my daughter on this earth that would top that one day?! It will be worth the wait! Do I wish she was here to celebrate with us today? Of course. A mother always longs for her child, whether you are seperated for a week or a lifetime. If you're not yet a mother, then you probably won't understand fully why these things are so sentimental to me. I haven't found a way to explain it yet, except that a mother's love will never end, no matter what...no matter the time, distance, or years spent apart. I hope maybe one of my friends in Huntsville will find time today to run by Huntsville Memory Gardens, maybe leave her a flower, and send me a picture. Even though I know her soul is not there, that is where I was last with her, and it thrills my heart to see that spot every time. Again, something I can't fully explain, except that she was my baby, and that was where I laid her to "rest." Thank you for reading this far if you did, and for honoring her life by doing so. It fills my heart with joy to remember her, share about her, and love her even still. My "bucket list" for things I want to do regarding Tori and her life on future birthdays: 1. Have a drawing/digital picture done of "what she would look like now." You know how the FBI can age missing kids to see what they would look like as they got older. I'd like to have a picture as often as possible to see what she would look like at each possible age. Just something special to me that I've thought about. :) 2. Have a porcelain baby doll made of Tori that could be a keepsake to treasure. I have checked, and it is several hundred dollars or more to have a doll artist make a porcelain doll from a picture of a baby, but I hope to have this done one day. I know the exact picture I want her to look like, for it is the image I have of her most often in my mind. It is amazing how much they can make one look like your picture. To have her to hold like that, may be strange to some, but would be so comforting to me. :) 3. Have another ceremony of some kind to honor her life, whether it be a birthday party or milestone related. We did this at one year, and had several friends and family come and support us in such a beautiful way. We also were able to collect many clothing items and books for babies in the NICU & children in the hospital. I would also like to do something like that again in the future as a need arises. Doing something good because of her life just thrills my heart. These are just 3 things that I would like to see done to honor Tori's life sometime in my lifetime

. She was such a blessing from God, truly loved by so many, and I was honored to be her mother for such a short 6 months. Until we meet again, baby girl...